SURVIVING: MY TWENTIES

A Black Girl's Guide to Finding Happiness Within

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"Your story is what you have, what you will always have. It is something to own."

Michelle Obama

 
 
  • Latoya Settles

5 Things To Talk About On A First Date

Updated: Oct 23, 2019

Let’s be honest, nothing is more nerve-wracking than a first date, especially when you run out of things to talk about within the first ten minutes. Whether you want to admit it or not, first dates are like mini job interviews, and who isn’t a little bit on edge during those. But don’t worry! I’ve come up with the best topics that are sure to keep any conversation going.  


1. Where do they call home? This is a great way to start a conversation with someone you’re getting to know. You might not want to dive into questions about their family because you don’t know the relationship they have, and it might be a little more complicated than first date talk. Rather than asking about their family or where they come from (which will most likely come up with this question), ask about the place they call home. It’s great to hear about where a person lived as a child or where they currently live, but asking about the place they call “home” is a little more meaningful and it’s sure to get them talking.

Is home somewhere out-of-state where their family lives? Where they grew up with siblings/friends? A place they visited and fell in love with? You may hear all about their family, their hometown and get a glimpse into their childhood, or you may hear about a place they discovered on an adventure that has become a happy place or safe haven for them. Wherever it is, “home” is where their heart is and the first date is the perfect time to hear about that. 


2. Ask them about their dream job  

It’s no surprise that sometimes our current jobs aren’t necessarily where we want to be career-wise. So rather than asking what they do right now, ask about what their dream job is. This question can tell you a lot about a person. Way more than their current job might. This is where you want to dig in a little. Why is this their dream job? What attracts them to this line of work? Now share your dream job with them. In this time you’ll discover some of their character traits, and find out what inspires and motivates them, while also getting a look at their values, which may (or may not) coincide with yours. 

Knowing what someone’s goals are in life is important. It can give you an idea of what kind of person this is; a dreamer, a realist, someone practical, someone who takes chances. The passion that you see from someone talking about their goals and dreams in life will give you a better understanding of who they are and their plans for life. 


It can also be fun to share what you wanted to be when you grew up. Tell him/her all about how you dreamt of being a superhero and how someday it might happen (fingers crossed). This is a great way to lighten the mood and keep the conversation fun.


3. Find out what’s on their bucket list 

This question is a great way for him/her to share their dreams and interests with you. Their list could include anything from travel plans and life goals to adrenaline-filled adventures. Or it could be something you may find ordinary, but they’ve never done before; like trying sushi or avocado toast.

 

Compare lists. 


You’ll discover what excites them and what fears they might want to overcome while sharing a few of your own. This topic should give you a look into what their personality is really like. Who knows, you might even get inspired to add a few new things to your list!


4. What are they currently watching on Netflix OR what is their go-to show on Netflix 

If you’re a big TV/movie watcher, this is a must! People’s interests are reflected in what they like to watch and frankly you need to know right away if this person is a serial killer or not. And what better way than to check out what they’re binging on Netflix? I don’t care what anyone says, devoting hours of your day watching “Snapped” might be a hint to run in the opposite direction… Just saying. 

But seriously, this is a great way to see if you two share common interests. Who knows, you may be watching Netflix together one day. If they spend their free time watching animal documentaries while you’re on your fifth time binging “The Office,” you’ll find out soon enough if a relationship will bloom.  


Ask them to recommend something for you to watch and you recommend something as well. This shows that you are interested in what he/she likes. Plus if a second date does happen, you’ll have something to talk about that shows you were listening to what they had to say. And if it doesn’t happen, at least you have a bunch of new shows to try.


5. Carefully bring up current events (A.K.A politics!)

While politics aren’t exactly the BEST thing to talk about, given that these discussions tend to get heated, it’s good to know where your date’s interests lie. 


If politics are really important to you, don’t shy away from asking him/her how they feel about an issue that’s close to your heart. Compared to the others, this is a tough topic and you might not want to ruin a seemly good conversation with it. But mentioning what’s going on in the world gives you insight as to whether or not your date keeps up with today’s news and which political party they align with. Which could be a deal-breaker for you.


A first date is a great time to see if you agree on the big stuff. This way you don’t waste your time dating someone to later find yourself always compromising on what’s important to you to be with them. Now if politics aren’t as important to you, it is still good to see where they stand on the matter. You don’t want to feel like you’re being tested every time they ask you about foreign policy or the latest presidential tweet. 



Whether you’re breaking the ice with the top five things on your bucket list or debating the next presidential candidates, you got this! Now that you know what to talk about first dates are a piece of cake. 


* Previously published by Harness Magazine at www.harnessmagazine.com *

THE ROOTS 

My name is Latoya, and like this blog, I am a work in progress. *So please be patient with me.*

Surviving: My Twenties was created as a way for me to share my story. The struggles, the insecurities, the love (and heartbreak), and everything else in between. My hope for this blog is to empower women (and men) to tell their stories and encourage people to live in their truth, as I'm trying to live in mine.

I read somewhere that you find inner peace when you face your challenges instead of running away from them. So here I am,  trying like hell to find and keep some inner peace.  

    XOXO
    - L.S.

 
 
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